Eyes, Ears, Mouth, and Nose~~December

I've been into a lot of fun things this month, namely Christmassey things. December has been so busy and I must admit that though the post-Christmas blues are no joke (meaning I will really miss Christmas), I am glad to be moving into a new year. January always feels so clean, doesn't it?

The main accomplishment I must report is this: my book is finished (for now)! I wrapped up the editing process on Christmas Eve and ordered the first print copy. I'll be passing it around to a select few who will serve as my actual editors before making a sale-ready copy. Hopefully this project will be completely completed in the next couple of months.

Besides writing, I've been really into Christmas movies. They began feeling like a waste of time, so I resolved to only watching a Christmas movie if I was working on a Christmas project (i.e. crafting or wrapping). And Christmas projects I did achieve. I made headbands out of decorative rope this year.

In the kitchen, I was into treats of course. Mom, sis, and I made our traditional platters of decorated sugar cookies, rolo cookies, and chocolate dipped pretzels. As far as non-dessert items go, I made a good deal of meatloaf this month. Bacon was also a common ingredient in pasta and breakfast dishes.

On the music front, the She & Him Christmas station on Pandora was my favorite for the yuletide season. I got the new Mumford and Sons and Lumineers albums for Christmas too, which were both nice surprises. Other media intake included The Hobit (I started reading it and listened to it on tape but oddly enough have not yet seen the movie) and The Guilt Trip. That movie was hilarious. I also read a couple American Girls Christmas books...I have a thing for children's literature and bought all the Christmas books in the series as a gift to myself last year.

So that's what I was into this December. Onward and upward, I say. 2013 shall be great!

My Happiness Project Part III...plus more!

With the holiday season comes a crazy schedule...and although I'm no longer in school, dealing with finals and end-of-the-semester chaos, my December is still packed! Coming up on Christine's plate are: the boyfriend's graduation/birthday extravaganza weekend, an out of town wedding, and Christmas cookie night with Mama and Sis, just to mention a few.

With that said, I'm combining my Happiness Project update with Eyes, Ears, Mouth, and Nose (two days late) this month.

So, in November I was really into:

Soft scarves and fine jewelry.

Big pots of soup.

Darling magazine and writing up Christmas lists.

My happiness project.

Which brings me to the update! In November, my happiness project goal was to finish what I started. I wanted to be intentional about meeting my 2012 New Year's Resolutions before the end of 2012. Here's where I'm at:

Be a prayerful woman.
Keep my areas and my home cleaner.
Exercise 3-4 times a week and eat right.
Publish a book.
Be there for Laura and Gracelynn.
Get plugged into a community after graduation.
Have a 3rd annual Sleighbell Sisters' Soiree.
Travel (near or far).

The third annual Sleighbell Soiree happened last night and was quite the bash! Check. Fortunately for me, I've made December and January's happiness goals centered around two of my remaining resolutions. December's happiness theme is "Home is where the (sane) heart is". I plan to come up with a more regular cleaning routine and to get rid of the piles of stuff that tend to accumulate around my cottage through the months (there may or may not be a stack of textbooks inside the shower I don't use). I also want to generally get better at making my bed, putting my clothes away, and the like...because although it is not my natural bent to be a super organized homemaker, I do feel so much more at peace internally when my home is neat. January's happiness theme of health will take care of resolution #3 (though I am certainly putting effort into eating and physical movement). And the book is coming along! As far at the finishing-what-I-started goes, I mainly focused on writing and praying in November. In fact, this post is going to end soon so I can get on with editing pieces for the book.

What better time to focus on the home than Christmastide? I must say I am enjoying the feeling of having a clean and decorated home...currently I'm not even in it, but I know it's waiting for me when I get there tonight. That just feels right.

Jesus, be the Center

I regret that I haven't kept up with blogging recently, but my reason is good. All of my writing time has been spent trying to stay on top of my book "launch" deadline! I can't call it an official book launch because it will not be available to the public until further editing is done, but the first copy will be published by December 25th!

Since my book is on the topic of spiritual formation, my mind has been entertained by the spiritual journey God has taken me on in the past few years. As I began reading the gospel of John last week, I was hit afresh by the necessity of placing Jesus in the very center of my life. It's unfortunate that I often forget some of life's most essential truths until I'm hit with turmoil or strife. I came across some old, familiar anxieties a few weeks ago and simply could not rest. I was not sleeping well and found myself thinking in worrisome circles.

Then I remembered how I used to begin every morning. For a season in high school, I would wake up, roll out of bed and onto my knees, quite literally. I would turn my hands away from me and simply whisper, "I surrender this day to you". It was possibly the most important moment of my day. I don't remember an intentional end to this habit...I probably stopped doing it when I moved to college (I had a lofted bed, which would have made the rolling out a bit complicated). When I remembered my old ritual the other day, however, I wondered why I ever stopped.

So with these memories of sweet and sleepy mornings playing through my head, I sat on my bed and made that same motion. That hands-turned-away-this-is-not-in-my-control motion and said, "Jesus, I surrender". Surrender is not a one time decision. A fulfilling life really is lived in a constant motion of chosen surrender and that choice is something I should probably reinstate as a daily habit for myself. I don't know how I forget that if Jesus is the center and my life is all about bringing honor to the Father through him, everything will really really be ok...but I do. It's akin to forgetting that if I stop breathing, I'll die!

Well, anxiety and fear, you can take a hike. I making this familiar choice once again.

My Happiness Project~~Part II. November is the new January!

The Happiness Project has begun! Yesterday was the first official day of my year-long resolutions project. I'm aiming at an attitude of learning...learning about what happiness, joy, contentment, and gratitude are and how I can tap into these things on a more daily basis. Of course, I believe that such emotions (or experiences) can only come when I'm living in the reality of Christ's salvation over my life. The writer of The Happiness Project is not a believer, so her project looked much different than will mine. If you're curious about how this began, read here.

So this is how it works: each month, I will be focusing on a new theme or area of life. With each topic will come a number of tangible resolutions I plan to begin. The resolutions will, ideally, carry on through the rest of the year. But I plan on failing here and there, finding certain resolutions that just don't work for my life (let me get it out now that I don't think I'll ever really be a consistent bed-maker). My goal, you may ask? Well, I wouldn't necessarily say my goal is to be a happier person, though I would love for that to come about. For now, my goal is just to meet goals that have been a long time in the works and to develop a handful of new lifestyle habits, which I pray will foster more joy in my life. I actually considered changing the title to "My Joy Project", but it didn't sound as catchy to me.

Here's the game plan:

November-"Finish What I Started"
-Complete 2012 New Year's Resolutions:
Be a prayerful woman.
Keep my areas and my home cleaner.
Exercise 3-4 times a week and eat right.
Publish a book.
Be there for Laura and Gracelynn.
Get plugged into a community after graduation.
Have a 3rd annual Sleighbell Sisters' Soiree.
Travel (near or far).


December-"Home is Where the (Sane) Heart is"
-Break my habit of clutter.
-Have more consistent cleaning routines.

January-"The Healthiest Me"
-Make a plan of attack for physical health.
-Be stringent about diet and exercise.

February-"The Rx for Relationships"
-Make Valentine's Day count for the girls around me.
-LOVE people.
-Keep up with long-distance friends more consistently.

March-"Career Path"
-Take a step toward my career...go to a conference, apply to a school, meet with a dean, etc.

April-"Get Serious About Hobbies"
-Find crafting mentor.
-Learn to read a crochet pattern.
-Figure out sewing.
-Work on publishing a cookbook?

May-"22, Flirty, and Thriving"
-Build and work on my confidence.
-Go to a trend show.

June-"No Pain, No Fun"
-Get serious about alleviating chronic pains.
-See all those pesky specialists (i.e. the dermatologist).

July-"Every Spiritual Blessing"
-Maximize spiritual gifts.
-Learn 1-2 new worship songs on guitar/piano per week.
-Write more encouraging notes.

August-"Work Hard, Play Hard"
-Focus on attitude at work.
-Maximize variety.
-Put effort into being better prepared each day.

September-"Back to Learning"
-Read at least 3 new, interesting books in full.
-Visit museums.
-Do an in-depth study of an unfamiliar book of the Bible.

October-"A Joyful (and Grateful) Heart is Good Medicine"
-Keep a public, daily gratitude journal.
-Review the past 12 months and decide which resolutions to keep, reinstate, throw out, revise, etc.

Wow! I know that was a lot, so if you're still with me, hopefully that means you're interested. I would appreciate all the encouragement I can get because this project is a little obscure and a lot ambitious. But I am hopeful! I'll write an update on November's resolutions soon.

Eyes, Ears, Mouth, and Nose~~October

It's All Hallow's Eve which means the end of another month. As promised, I've fully immersed myself into everything fall (though the weather is still, still, still kind of warm). Here's where my eyes, ears, mouth, and nose have been this October:

The new Mumford and Sons album has satisfied me and I've also been enjoying a self-curated "Lady C's autumnawesome" playlist on Spotify. Parenthood is very emotional this season, but I can't stop watching. The writers and actors have a way of making everyday life so special. Tia and Tamera are back on their reality TV show, which I just find so funny and sweet...though my sister and I are not twins, a lot of the things we do remind us of them. Kindred spirits, indeed. And Tia and Tamera is not a trashy, life-sucking reality TV show either. Lost , season 2 continues to be the boyfriend's and my favorite weekend veg-of-choice. We were also able to agree on a movie recently: Ocean's Eleven, a crowd pleaser for both sexes!

In the kitchen, there has been an explosion of apple and pumpkin EVERYTHING. I love, love, love cooking with these ingredients. They are so versatile. As far as pumpkinning goes, there's been: at least four batches of these pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bars, and a pumpkin infused simple syrup for my coffee (recipe soon!). A trip to the apple orchard a few weeks ago brought my culinary creativity to apple land. I bought 40 pounds of apples and have made LOTS of apple crisp and chunky applesauce. I threw some apples into a pork roast the other day too, which was pretty tasty. I've also been really into chilli this month. I think I've made at least four batches of that as well (one of which was intensely spicy). Keep in mind that I cook on a daily basis for my families, so not all of this good-wholesome-fat food is going to me.

The wardrobe has taken a slight turn toward cozy. We've had a handful of days that have called for sweaters, boots, or scarves. I'm enjoying my red linen pants because they're light-weight for this temperamental weather, while still providing a very autumn-inspired style. I have to say that I love rocking the upscale soccer mom look (yoga pants, posh shirt-and-scarf, running shoes, and great hair and makeup) when it's cool out and I have a lot to accomplish.

Lastly, I've been preparing for my very own Happiness Project. I'm pleased to announce that it starts tomorrow!

Happy Halloween, everyone.

He doesn't work that way.

Two days ago, something kind of difficult happened. The sun and heat came back, in full-force. I mean not to complain with this post. I'm rather attempting to share the extent to which weather affects my mood and the process I'm going through to suck it up and be grateful anyway.

Sometime around the third week of September or so, I loose my patience for summer. I believe I thoroughly expressed that here. I know that living in LA means unpredictable weather day-to-day, but pretty predictable seasons. For instance, it rained last week. Hooray! But it's totally still summer weather on the whole. Here's the breakdown: we do not have a winter. Spring lasts from around the beginning of February to the middle of June. Summer arrives pretty much on time, at it's equinox and lasts until the end of September or October. And fall is from November-January. I'm no meteorologist, but I do believe this to be a pretty accurate summary of Southern California's seasons.

So tell me: why can't I just deal with the heat like a grown up? Well, I jokingly shared with everyone on Sunday, as the 90s re-emerged:

"I was so grateful for the rain and cool weather last week. I felt so happy! I kept saying, 'Thank you, Lord! Thank you!', and forgive me if I'm wrong, but I thought God might just reward Southern California for my gratitude."

The thing is, he doesn't work that way.

Who am I to spend so much energy complaining about such a temperamental thing as the weather? The God of the universe is taking care of thousands, nay millions of his children in my very area who have great and real needs. I do not mean to suggest that our tedious prayers bother God or waste his time, nor do I mean to say that prayer can't change something as expansive as the weather. What I AM saying is this:

God has been very patiently been teaching me over the past few months what it means to be a real grown up.

Go to work and stick out all 8-9 hours a day because you need to.

Submit to authority. It's good for you.

Stop complaining (about the weather).

He is patient and I am fickle, OH so fickle. So rather than harping upon my bad mood (which really only makes a bad mood worse, wouldn't you say?), I must choose gratitude.

Thank you, Lord for air conditioning. Thank you for a job that doesn't require me to be outside unless I want to be. Thank you for a few extra weeks to figure out my central heating and cold shower situation at home. Thank you for teaching me to be an adult and for doing so without being condescending or condemning. Thank you that you do work that way.

Oktoberfest Pumkin Muffins

Here's the situation: It's pouring rain, I got done with work early, and I am CRAFTING AND BAKING AND WATCHING PERSUASION. On a day like today, I am so thrilled to have time for hobbies. Thank you, kind Lord.

Out of my (half) day off, I've created a recipe to share. These are healthy pumpkin muffins that are smelling up my kitchen right now so lovingly. They are missing lots of the fat and high-glycemic-index sugars of other muffins and they'll make for great breakfasts!

You'll need:
3 c. whole wheat flour
1 c. white flour
2 t. baking soda
1 t. salt
1 t. cinnamon
1 t. ginger
1/2 t. cloves
1/4 t. nutmeg
1 c. raw sugar
1/2 c. agave nectar
3/4 c. cinnamon applesauce (I made mine from scratch so it's chunky, but premade works too, of course.)
4 eggs
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin
1 t. vanilla extract
1 t. maple extract
1and1/2 c. buttermilk

Mix first 8 ingredients, set aside. Mix next 7 ingredients, sifting soda and spices. Add dry to wet and mix 'til well-combined. Add buttermilk. Pour into greased or paper-lined muffin tins. Bake at 400 degrees for 20 min. Yield: 2(large)-3(smaller) dozen. (If making smaller muffins, bake for 15 min.)

Enjoy!

Recipe developed from Ellie Krieger's recipe here.

Gifts, of the Spiritual Nature

I've taken a handful of spiritual gifts tests in my life. And whenever asked on ministry applications or whatnot to list my spiritual gifts, I've always listed encouragement and prayer. I used to be really good about writing notes of encouragement to people and I used to be really diligent about prayer.

I still strive to be this way...

But since college or so, prayer has taken a lot more effort. And I haven't made encouraging note-writing a weekly discipline or anything. I never considered the fact that my spiritual gifts may have changed.

For my weekly discipleship group, we were instructed to take a spiritual gifts inventory. Sitting on my couch yesterday afternoon, feeling less than joyful due to an extreme lack of sleep at the Jr. High all-nighter the evening before, I didn't expect much. I expected to get my homework assignment done and to perhaps receive confirmation that I'm an encourager and prayer-warrior. But once I started answering questions, I realized that my difficulty in prayer might actually point to a deeper discovery.

Prayer, along with evangelism and manual labor (ha!) were among my lowest scores.

I didn't know writing was considered a spiritual gift, but in this particular inventory, it was included. And it was my primary gift! In second, came a tie between a few gifts: exhortation, arts & crafts, vocal music, and hospitality.

So, while I know this doesn't mean I should stop trying to pray and evangelize so hard, I am more convinced that I should consider where my spiritual energy is going. Because if these gifts really do speak truth about my skills set (and they do), then maybe I should be investing more energy into serving God and his church through writing, exhorting, crafting, singing, and hosting. What does it look like to write for the betterment of the body of Christ? My mind feels a little narrow on the topic, but the wheels are beginning to turn. Thank you, Lord, for this discovery.

Eyes, ears, mouth, and nose~~September

In my Eyes, ears, mouth, and nose series, I'll be sharing the things I'm into every month. What am I consuming? What trends have captivated me? What new things have I learned from all sorts of media feeds? So here are where my eyes, ears, mouth, and nose were in September:

If you've never met me, you should know this: September is my least favorite month of the year. So I am happy (nearly thrilled) that October has finally arrived. Everything surrounding us in September tells us that times are shifting, new activities are starting, and the school year calendar is beginning. But the weather (at least here in LA) is hotter than ever. August and September are the height of summer and there are moments that feel exhausting and...I just think Greenday said it best with "wake me up when September ends". So because of September and all its warm baggage, my wardrobe has been a little lacking this month. I mean, I'm still wearing clothes (very much so). But I'm growing tired of my normal summer ensemble of skirts, tanks, and sandals. What you'll usually see me in these days is just that, though I did buy my first ever pair of skinny jeans (major step!) for when the weather changes. I've taken a new (again) liking to my Birkenstocks and ever since my marvelous boyfriend gifted me with brand new Rainbows, my feet have been pretty happy in one or the other of my arch-supported pairs.

I have been listening to the Lumineers (since I'll be seeing them live in concert this weekend!), Ingrid Michaelson-a faithful standby, and a lot of pop. It's great for driving but terrible for falling asleep...the genre that won't get out of your head. I've been watching Gilmore Girls DVDs (currently roaming through season 6), Parenthood (it's back!), Lost, and a couple Wes Anderson films. The boyfriend is to thank for the latter two. He really does enrich my media knowledge.

I am into cooking baby food, since niecey just started solids. It doesn't take much skill to boil/steam/blend fruits and veggies though, so I've also been into some grown up foods. Among recently concocted recipes: potato pancakes with homemade applesauce, pumpkin pie, chicken pot pie, and many creative pasta creations. I'm thanking the Lord for AC as I turn on the oven and fall-fake-it. Soon, very soon, the weather will reflect my culinary longings.

I'm reading "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" and "The Happiness Project". With it, I'm starting my own happiness project! This has been exciting.

My eyes, ears, mouth, and nose are super excited for fall to finally, actually arrive (though you better believe I had a little celebration on September 21st). Because they will be into autumn pallets, warm beverages, pies, and everything cozy by the end of this month!

Making home.

I recently told someone--"When I get home from work, I don't feel like doing anything remotely domestic." Maybe this is why my cottage is often such a mess.

However on a good day, when I get home, I do still want to pour myself into a domestic activity...because I am a homemaker. And even though being a nanny is very similar to being one's own homemaker, there are great differences between the kinds of domesticity that take place at work versus in my own home.

It is Friday evening, yes. But I am absolutely doing laundry and baking brownies exactly the way I want tonight. There is something truly refreshing about doing activities like laundry or cooking that I do every day in other homes for myself. I have my own standards for the ingredients that go into my food...for the level of "clean" that pleases me...for how my home should feel and function. And if you're new to my definition of homemaking, allow me to explain.

I believe homemakers are a distinct breed of women (no, men are not excluded, but I side with the persuasion that *women belong in the kitchen*...I say this loosely, yet with conviction, so cringe if you must...perhaps a whole post on this thought is necessary). Human beings need home and woman-begins need to create home. This takes on thousands of forms. But my main agenda in this arena has to do with disassembling American society's typical definition of homemaking. A stay-at-home mom is certainly a homemaker, but who says a 22 year old unmarried woman cannot be? Homemaking includes the family, but I believe just as the word "home" is a flexible one, homemaking should also be a flexible term.

I make my home.

When I was 14 and moving into my new bedroom in the front of the house, choosing the colors and decorations that suited me at the time, hanging photos of my best friends, and every once in a while utilizing the new lock on my door, I was making a home.

When I was 18 and moving into a dorm room for the first time with two strangers, buying my bedding and coffee grounds with my own money, learning how to use my laptop and printer, and getting to know the girls on my hall, I was making a home.

When I was 20 and moving into my first apartment, trying to buy decorations on a $40 budget, learning how to cook without following recipes, and having friends over to "my own place" for the first time, I was making a home.

And now that I'm back at home, living in my parent's back cottage, I strive to be hospitable. I strive to be both a good daughter and tenant. I strive to come home and keep house even when I'm exhausted from keeping others' houses...because home is important. Everyday, I am making my home and I welcome the many, many definitions of "homemaking" that my life will yet encompass.

My Happiness Project~~Part I

Last week I finally purchased "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. I've read her stuff for months in GoodHousekeeping and have perused the book the last few times I've visited a bookstore. I was wondering if I should honestly trust a book on happiness that wasn't coming from a Biblical background, but concluded that I can be discerning enough to know when the answer is actually Jesus (rather than whatever turns up on these pages). And I also believe that God can redeem all things and teach me valuable lessons even through people who aren't professing Christians.

Well, I'm just now (like right now) starting my own happiness project. The first steps are to ask myself the following questions, so I thought I'd make a post out of the task. These questions are designed to help me understand the resolutions I want to make to basically become a happier person. And in an attempt to not make this a book review or "plot" summary, I'm simply going to dive in. (In other words, if you're curious about the book itself, click here.)

The questions are: What makes you feel good? What gives you joy, energy, fun? What makes you feel bad? What brings you anger, guilt, boredom, dread? What makes you feel right? What values do you want your life to reflect? How can you build an atmosphere of growth—where you learn, explore, build, teach, help?

What makes you feel good? What gives you joy, energy, fun?

I feel good when my areas and home are organized and free of excess clutter. I feel better prepared for the day when I've gotten enough sleep and allowed myself time and space to wake up slowly. I feel good when I've eaten enough fruits and vegetables and found some way to move that day (others may call this exercise). I feel joy when I'm engaged in a free-flowing interaction (be it a conversation, hang-out, or gathering) with people who know and understand me well. I am energized by purposeful periods of rest that include time in the Word, time for creativity, and reflection on the past day or week. I have fun when I'm physically comfortable (free or distracted from pain) and have a plan...when I am: surrounded by someone(s) who loves me, laughing, or experiencing rich and cultural things.

What makes you feel bad? What brings you anger, guilt, boredom, dread?

I feel bad when I am misunderstood. I get angry when people in my life are hurting or hurt me. Guilt sets in when I fall into bad patterns of sin that I am really ready to be done with. I feel dread when there is no variety in my routine or when I have nothing to which I can look forward. I feel bad when I haven't had enough sleep or time to myself and I feel frustrated when time is wasted. I don't enjoy winging it unless I'm on a road trip or am in a particularly spontaneous mood. I feel terrible when an entire day goes by without meaningful thought, conversation, physical contact, or affection from another person. I feel bad when it seems that I'm in something alone. I hate being emotionally inconsistent...and I do not like the fact that my list of negatives is so long.

What makes you feel right? What values do you want your life to reflect?

I feel right when I am on-track in my relationship with Christ. This includes being in tune to his plan of grace for my life. I want my life to reflect the values of good listening, compassion, service, care, confidence, and gratitude. I feel right when I am both pouring into someone's life and being poured into by someone older than myself.

How can you build an atmosphere of growth-where you learn, explore, build, teach, help?

I can build an atmosphere of growth by reading more and using my free time with purpose. I can plan excursions and events for myself that foster a spirit of adventure and joy. I can get serious about physical health and the connection it has to my mood and disposition. I can make sure I keep healthy margins for myself in regards to the number and quality of activities/ministries in which I'm involved. I should be able to give the best of myself and if I cannot, should consider dropping the activity.

I'm excited to read this book and to plan my happiness project. I will document when I can and hopefully inspire others to seek happiness more seriously too!

"Does that make sense?"

I find myself asking this question a lot. For as meticulous as I am about getting things perfectly clear in writing, I oftentimes struggle with verbal articulation. And I fear this struggle is only getting worse.

When I'm surrounded by patience and calm, I can sometimes makes sense of a confusing situation and express myself well. But when I find myself conversing with someone who feeds off the frustration I have for myself over my lack of ability to be clear, I feel myself shutting down, spiraling into an increasing muddle of "unclear". I fall prey to the female curse of seeing a connection between every single train of thought and cannot sort out one topic at a time.

Does that make any sense at all?

Say I'm feeling sad but am having a hard time expressing exactly why. Someone close to me asks what's wrong and I burst into tears, replying, "I don't know!" "Maybe it's the lunch I ate that's upsetting my stomach, which relates to my constant awareness of the body being related to the mind, emotion, and soul...which stresses me out because how am I ever supposed to feel sick without breaking down? Or maybe it's that little thing you said that set me over the edge. I'm just having a confusing day, ok?"

And that didn't make sense, right? Because that's exactly how some of my conversations have gone lately. But when I'm sitting down with a pen or a keyboard and maybe a cup of coffee (like this particular moment), there is space to piece together the exact words I want to use.

The bottom line is this: I can strive and strive to be more clear, but sometimes I just need to be honest. I need to say, "I can't talk about this right now. I need some space to sort out my thoughts." The only caveat is that I must then go to Jesus with my jumble of emotional expression and ask him to do the sorting. The Lord above is the only one who can truly handle my flood of words. I can touch on every single corner of a given subject as quickly and inarticulately as I want with him and not loose him. I can't confuse God.

Wow. This, I find refreshing.

[If I lost you, chances are you're not a woman.]

The shepherdess has arrived

Welcome, welcome! I'm back and more excited than before...

This is Shepherdessing.

It's a new blog, but the same me is authoring. Summer is (unofficially) over and I've been feeling the writer's itch for some time now. Over the past few months, I've been wanting to ditch myHandH for something more meaningful, more organized...more clear. I tried other servers and even considered investing money into blogging, but in the end I landed here.

Allow me to explain the title. I was looking for something that captured my personality. I threw together an ideas "board" and started playing around with word combinations, but the words that stuck out most to me were ones associated with my name meanings. Since my names (in this order) mean: "Christ-follower", "victory of the people", and "shepherd", I realized that they really do hold significant weight in defining my life and person. [Believe it or not, my last name means "castrated ram and/or shepherd" Uh, I'll go with shepherd, thank you.]

I am a shepherd. Or a shepherdess, rather. Nurturing, caring, coaching, tending...these are all words that describe the side of my personality that I use oftenest. Or maybe I'll just say that when I do use the shepherdessing side of my personality, I feel most whole.

I want to document my journey through post-grad life as a shepherdess. Now nurturing people is not always what I'm best at, but (as my tag line suggests) I am constantly learning how to care, how to love, how to let go and draw boundaries when caring becomes carrying...and as I navigate through this new phase, I desire to shine as a shepherdess. My new blog will be organized into the following labels:

"the nanny"
My life and lessons as a full-time nanny.

"creativity"
Pictures, recipes, and stories from creative endeavors including crafting, party-hosting, and home decor.

"spiritual formation"
The chronicles of my walk with God.

"homemaking~nurturing"
How I thrive in the lifestyle of homemaking in any home, at any stage.

"projects and series"
Causes, resolutions, ongoing stories, or specials.

So here's to you, readers. May my posts prove companionable and fun. Thanks for supporting me and investing interest here at Shepherdessing!

I'm a nanny, not a mom.

How do I know? Well there are acute differences between the two roles. And while I’ve gotten quite used to “ignoring” the fact that people think this baby is mine…or at least pretending at times like she is to appease the masses, I’m growing a little wary of the look people give when I walk around town with a stroller. They look at me like I’ve won an award. And it’s very nice.

But it’s a little like the feeling I get when people start celebrating Christmas too early. I’m pretty much a stickler for holding off ‘til after Thanksgiving to begin the Yuletide festivities, so when I hear that blessed music in way-too-early November, or see street decor emerge the day after Halloween, I shut the eyes of my Christmas spirit and say, “just wait.” Then, oftentimes, when I allow myself to dig into everything Christmas, I’m a bit squashed. I’ve been repressing, repressing, repressing and then all of a sudden I expect myself to burst forth with joy. [Can anyone see a reference to Christian expectations on the wedding night here? Christmas analogies are deep…]

So there is this tiny, under-the-radar fear that when I finally have a child of my own, I’ll be so used to the privileges granted new mothers by society (like award-winning looks and door openings—sometimes), that I won’t realize I am in fact a mother. Of course, this is not an extreme worry and I am not constantly thinking about motherhood [especially now that I’m convinced it wouldn’t be so bad to wait for my 20’s to pass before having kids]. But maybe I should allow myself to enjoy the generosity of the public and look beyond the fact that they’re not really happy for me, but for my sister-whose “shoes” I wear often. Because that thing that happens to a human face when it sees a baby gives me hope that God has planted the potential for good in our souls. Who cares if I’m not really the mom? They certainly don’t. And when I do open the eyes of my Christmas spirit to enjoy, say, a carol or a wafting of cinnamon (albeit still November) I find that the official Christmas kick-off is a bit more organic and welcomed. Yes, Christmas analogies always work in my life. I shall be a joyful nanny and allow society to bless me today.