Since my book is on the topic of spiritual formation, my mind has been entertained by the spiritual journey God has taken me on in the past few years. As I began reading the gospel of John last week, I was hit afresh by the necessity of placing Jesus in the very center of my life. It's unfortunate that I often forget some of life's most essential truths until I'm hit with turmoil or strife. I came across some old, familiar anxieties a few weeks ago and simply could not rest. I was not sleeping well and found myself thinking in worrisome circles.
Then I remembered how I used to begin every morning. For a season in high school, I would wake up, roll out of bed and onto my knees, quite literally. I would turn my hands away from me and simply whisper, "I surrender this day to you". It was possibly the most important moment of my day. I don't remember an intentional end to this habit...I probably stopped doing it when I moved to college (I had a lofted bed, which would have made the rolling out a bit complicated). When I remembered my old ritual the other day, however, I wondered why I ever stopped.
So with these memories of sweet and sleepy mornings playing through my head, I sat on my bed and made that same motion. That hands-turned-away-this-is-not-in-my-control motion and said, "Jesus, I surrender". Surrender is not a one time decision. A fulfilling life really is lived in a constant motion of chosen surrender and that choice is something I should probably reinstate as a daily habit for myself. I don't know how I forget that if Jesus is the center and my life is all about bringing honor to the Father through him, everything will really really be ok...but I do. It's akin to forgetting that if I stop breathing, I'll die!
Well, anxiety and fear, you can take a hike. I making this familiar choice once again.
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