On MS, fasting, and the heart of the discipline...

This weekend I rode my bike in the MS Bay-to-Bay tour on a team for our friend Jacob, an MS fighter. Here is what I wrote in my journal this morning by way of a reflection:

What happened this weekend was a first for me in many ways. It was certainly the first time I've completed 100 miles on a bike, the first time I've been a part of any sort of athletic "team", and the first time I've intentionally put my body through that much pressure for the sake of a goal. And yes, I think I may have even gotten a taste of the lack of control those with MS feel over their bodies every day. There were moments when I was riding where everything hurt and I could not take my mind off of the throbbing in my thighs, the tightness of my lungs, the stiffness of my shoulders and neck, the sting of my back spasm...but even more than the physical trap of numbness or fatigue they must feel is the mental and spiritual battle faced by those with MS. There were moments when I literally wished I could fall off my bike and discontinue the ride. My mind would not relent. But I know those suffering from this nasty disease want to be done with it...and have no choice. And just as my teammate reminded me, neither did we. We had to finish.

In my spiritual walk, God has been bringing up the discipline of fasting periodically and I think I learned more about it this weekend. In Encinitas, I somehow freakishly got separated from not only my whole team, but also all riders at one point. I was riding alone and was passing all the cute little coffee shops along PCH. I saw Pannikin's, one of my most favorite places to sit and drink coffee...and it took everything in me not to get off my bike and take a long, relaxing break there. I really thought about it...would my team really miss me? Wouldn't it benefit me to have just a little familiarity and comfort in a moment of exhaustion and fear? But then I reminded myself that I had signed up for this physical denial. I quite honestly felt like I was wasting a perfectly beautiful, foggy, cozy morning at the beach (my favorite kind of morning, mind you) by not stopping off at Pannikin's until I had that thought and realized that in many ways, this bike ride was like a fast. For a fast is a decision.

God has created me with a very sensitive body and spirit. Fasting from food is difficult because of my blood sugar issues and emotional needs (though I know he will sustain me on the day he again calls me to give up food for a day). For now, though, God has taught me some significant lessons about fasting. I have learned to participate in the heart of the discipline. When I experience moments of hunger and fatigue, I'm getting myself in the habit of proclaiming that God's strength is more than enough for me. And I think that possibly the most important thing God taught me this weekend is that cycling for MS was a fast for me. I fasted from comfort, which is kind of a big thing since I realize I have a fear of being uncomfortable. Fasting is about humility and discipline and for me, cycling embodies those concepts. I have to be disciplined and humble to both stay on that bike when I want to get off and to have a good, joyful attitude about it. I am so glad I did this and I will so do it again, despite all the meaningless declarations I made throughout the weekend to never get on a bike again.

Thank you, Lord, for this huge lesson and opportunity...and thank you for Jacob, who has no choice when it comes to his body, but makes the good choices when it comes to his heart. Amen!

By Way of an Update...

I've been avoiding Shepherdessing...

Not the act of shepherdessing, of course, but the blog. I knew I wouldn't blog much over the summer since I went on a seven week mission's trip to Europe, but now that it's September I've had the urge to start blogging again. I haven't entered into it yet, however, because I am not sure if I can be consistent enough to make my blog "worth it".

But I do not want to neglect my desire and ability to write just because of fear or uncertainty, so I will dive in and see where shepherdessing takes me this semester. That's right, I said semester, which means I am back in school! God taught me a lot this summer, including the idea that I can take my passions for member care and nutrition and use them together in one career. I now have a certain dream-to become a registered dietician, work here in the States with people on personalized-lifestyle diet plans, and fund myself to offer free nutrition seminars to missionaries overseas at member care conferences.

First step-beef up my BA with about 30 units of science! This means I am taking classes at the community college, which has been way more challenging to figure out than I expected.

One valuable spiritual lesson I've gleaned from the difficulty of getting into overcrowded classes is that God sometimes asks us to be persistent. At times in the process, it was difficult to discern whether God was closing a door or simply giving me the opportunity to practice persistence. I prayed that his will would be done and kept moving until he said, "stop" (which in this case, he did not). It took attending two sections of the same class for two weeks, plus multiple phone calls and emails-including one to the dean of Chemistry-for me to finally be given an add code for the final class I needed. This may all sound a little overdramatic, but my point is: in the midst of this little journey, I had a hard time telling if I was holding on to my dream too tightly or if my dream was just going to be one of hard work.

While God does not always clearly tell us if a door is opened or closed, I have learned that it is easier and more realistic to try and hear his voice if I am already moving. Sitting and waiting can be valuable, especially if the decision at hand has high stakes. But in this case, God showed me that my movement and persistence toward a goal I would like to see reached allowed me to see his will more clearly in my life.

I don't know if I will get into my master's program of choice and become a registered dietician in the timeline I see fit, but God knows. And he is faithful by revealing just enough at once. I know that for now, he has directed me to a semester of 8 units, GRE prep, 30 hours of work, and a women's wellness ministry. And for now, that is my dream come true.

Photo: me with some beautiful fruit at an open-air market in Madrid this summer

My Happiness Project~~Part 8

April flew by!

My happiness theme last month was "getting serious about hobbies" and I did a LOT of crafting. Among the items I've recently crafted are: curtains, greeting cards, embroidered tea towels, and spring 'twig' paper flower displays.



This month is...

"22, Flirty, and Thriving":
Build and work on my confidence.
Go to a trend show.

Every once in a while, it does a girl good to put on something cute shoes, curl her hair, and walk about with extra confidence. I am a firm believer in outer appearance affecting inner attitude. I am on no road to a complete beauty overhaul (trust me, I'm sitting at the computer with wet hair and chipping toe nail polish)...but I do have some plans up my sleeve for steps I can take to help myself feel more beautiful.

The trend show is next weekend and I am quite excited to girl it up at what has become an annual event for the women in my family.

My Happiness Project~~Part 7

I realize it's already the middle of April and I'm just now writing a happiness project update, but unlike my procrastination to publish this post, I have not been procrastinating in my April happiness goal.

April: get serious about hobbies.

I told myself I would "figure out sewing" and make time for crafts. And I've done it! I figured out sewing so much that I've almost completed 2 sets of curtains. And I've made so much time for crafts that today I am officially launching my Etsy shop: TheCraftyChristine!

All funds raised at the shop between now and June will go toward my missions trip to Europe so I am, of course, shamelessly using Shepherdessing to promote my sales.

Here's the link! Please visit!

http://www.etsy.com/shop/TheCraftyChristine?ref=search_shop_redirect

Eyes, Ears, Mouth, and Nose~~March '13

Happy Easter!

Here's what my eyes, ears, mouth, and nose were into this March:

Being on a partial TV fast, in which I was only partaking when others were present, I've really enjoyed The Bible on The History Channel. I'm realizing more and more how sensitive I am to violent and vulgar entertainment...so no worries here. I did enjoy the deep themes of The Perks of Being a Wallflower though.

I already talked about coconut sugar...last night, as part of our family vacay festivities, it was my turn for the iron chef dessert battle. My secret ingredient being coconut, you better believe I whipped out the mighty mighty coconut sugar...as well as coconut oil, coconut milk, and coconut flakes. This made for a DECADENT chocolate coconut cake. Another fun ingredient I've been into this month is cashew cream. It makes vegan smoothies really creamy and tastes so silky.

As far as dreamin', I've been really into EUROPE! Because (big announcement) I'm going on a 6 week missions trip to Portugal, Spain, and Rome this summer! I am so excited to start raising support and to get there so we can bless the socks off of some missionaries. I've also been dreaming about fun career options (more on this with my next happiness project update).

As I began dreaming up fundraising options for the trip, I decided that maybe handmade crafts will rake in some dough. The ribbon "curtains" (pictured above) might make it to my etsy shop when it gets set up. Yes, March was a crafty, crafty month.

Other than these things, I am SO into relaxing because it's spring vacation and I am loving the free flowing family time.

Mighty, mighty coconut sugar!

As many of you know, I have cut out white flour and white sugar from my diet completely (except for my one cheat meal per week, which I highly recommend to any dieter in the world). As a baker and dessert lover both, this was not a fun change at first.

But then...I discovered coconut sugar.

Coconut sugar is slightly less sweet than white sugar and is made from the sap of coconut flowers, so it is completely natural and plant-based. The glycemic index is lower those of white or other processed sugars, so it doesn't peak your blood sugar so harshly. And it's yummy!

With coconut sugar, I've tried out a number of recipes, but my favorite has to be my version of a chocolate coconut cookie (though coconut sugar doesn't exactly taste like coconut, it pairs well with actual coconut shreds). Try it for yourself!

Healthy chocolate coconut cookies:
1 c. coconut sugar
1/2 c. agave nectar
1 c. butter, softened
1 t vanilla
2 eggs
2 c. quick oats
1 1/2 c. whole wheat flour
1/3 c. cocoa powder
1 1/2 t baking soda
Pinch salt
1 c. chocolate chips (you can make these yourself with coconut sugar too!)
1 c. unsweetened, shredded coconut

Preheat oven to 350. Combine first 5 ingredients and mix well. Combine next 5 ingredients in separate bowl. Combine two mixtures, add chocolate chips and coconut. On parchment-lined cookie sheets, scoop out rounded tablespoons of dough. Bake 10-12 minutes. Enjoy!

Shamrock Shake Time!

I tried out a few healthy shamrock shake recipes yesterday (one involving a HUGE amount of kale, ick). And after my experiments, I would recommend this recipe to satisfy that craving you may have this weekend for a green dessertish shamrock shake. Sure beats fast food...and it's on my diet!

1 c cashew cream (made by soaking 1/2 c cashews in 1/2 c almond milk overnight and blending on high til super smooth)
Generous handful of spinach (not kale, hehe)
1 avacado
2 T agave nectar
1 c ice
1 T vanilla extract
1 t peppermint extract (teaspoon, not tablespoon!)

Blend spinach in cashew cream til you get a smooth, green color. Then add the rest of your ingredients and blend til smooth. Add more almond milk or agave if you want a thinner or sweeter shake, respectively!

Enjoy the green! Happy St. Pat's weekend!

Recipe adapted from this one (I made just a few changes for green coloring and nutrition).

My Happiness Project~~Part 6

February wasn't the happiest month.

Wait, that's not what I mean. The month itself brought me plenty of happiness, but as far as my happiness project goes, I was not super focused.

"Make Valentine's Day count for the women around me"...check.
"Love people"...half check. I loved people no problem, but did I live love out intentionally on a minute-to-minute basis? Not necessarily.
"Keep up with long-distance friendships"...no check. The best of intentions doesn't bring about results if they're not carried out. I think someone wrote a quote kinda like that once.

So am I writhing in self-guilt? Not really since loving and making long-distance calls is still available to me this month. I'm saying "there's grace for that." March's happiness goal is:

"Take a step toward my career...go to a conference, apply to a school, meet with a dean, etc."

In hoping to move toward a more career-type job in the near future, I've done a lot of dreaming. Being 22, done with college, and invested in a steady full-time-short-term (hehe) job means I am safe to dream. I could remain a nanny for a long time, but since I sense that it will not fulfill me forever, here is a list of the dreams I have dreamt for myself:

Culinary school
Supplement distribution
Marriage and family therapy
Life coaching
Spiritual direction
Nutrition
Writing
Crafting (as in full-time crafting...if this were a viable career option for me RIGHT NOW, I'd not be here typing)
Birth coaching

So I have my work cut out for me this month. I pray this pursuit proves hopeful and fun rather than taxing and dead-endish.

Photo: my boyfriend exercising career aspirations along with me (or just thrift shopping)...

Eyes, ears, mouth, and nose~February '13

The short little month brought a lot of things for me to be "into".

I've been fighting a lingering illness, so I've recently been won over by sinus rinse. I won't go into the gory details, but it pretty much rocks at getting your stuffy nose un-stuffed in a natural way.

On the lookout for natural, "gentle" sugars or sugar replacements, I'm falling for coconut sugar. I've been using it in baking recipes mostly...like the best oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (I also used the coconut sugar to make my own chips!), pumpkin muffins, and pancakes.

Speaking of kitcheny things, I have been making a lot of butternut squash soup. On the road the being convinced that I eat too much saturated fat (still not 100% buying it because I've eaten wholesome fats my whole life and remained healthy), I decided to do Meatless Mondays. Since the family I work for on Mondays is essentially vegan, preparing meatless meals has been pretty easy. And cutting out meat and/or animal products just once a week is a much more realistic way for me to tone down the saturated fats because no way in heck am I giving up dairy. Ever.

On the reading front, I'm consistently perusing my GoodHousekeeping mags. Above is a recent photo of the books on my nightstand (or on the floor under my nightstand). Til We Have Faces, by C.S. Lewis has been my main literary pursuit. I am inches away from being finished with it and though I'm less than blown away, it has been nice to read good writing again. Clive Staples, you have such a way with the pen...

I am trying to cut down my TV consumption, so the only show I am legitimately keeping up with is The Biggest Looser. I don't care how people may mock it...this show is so, so inspirational to me. I love watching how human beings can push themselves to their limits and change when they really have a reason to do so.

One last thing: I'm majorly into Taylor Swift's RED for my ears. This album totally satisfies my desire for girly tunes and singability.

And that's what my eyes, ears, mouth, and nose were into this February. Happy weekend!

My Happiness Project~~Part 5

Hello and happy (very late) February! I have missed my blog...time seems to be just flying by.

I wanted to at least write a quick update on my happiness project (in hopes of blogging more regularly soon). January's happiness goals were so successful. I kept to my diet rules almost perfectly and I genuinely got in the habit of working out 6 days a week. How did I do it? Accountability and determination. John and I pushed one anther hard and I knew if my overall health, energy, and mood were going to change, I had to be serious about the health resolutions I was making. I also have kept myself sane with one cheat meal per week. This means that for one meal (or usually more like one entire evening), I can eat whatever I want. My taste has changed and I am not cravin sugar as much as I used to! I know God's hand is in this process because I could not have made these changes with my own will-power. So with January behind me, I've decided that better health does add to my overall happiness and the no white flour, no white sugar diet continues. I am also carrying the work out plan on with me, though I am aiming for just 4-6 days a week now. I've also added meatless Mondays (which I might even turn into Vegan Mondays) to help with overall fat/cholesterol consumption...because if you know me, you know I LOVE my dairy.

So my February happiness theme is "The Rx for Rx" (visualize 'prescription' Rx and psychology abbrev. Rx for relationships...way less conffusing when hand written). So basically, I'm focusing on relationships. And since it's love month, what better time? My three resolutions were to:

LOVE others.
Make Valenine's day count for the women around me.
Keep up with long distance phone calls, etc.

Resolution #2 was a success if I may say so. I began the first annual "dress like a Valenine week" among my circle of friends (where we basically wore a lot of pink for a week), made homemade Valentines, and had a girly movie night at my place on the 14th...because after all, it's for the ladies.

Being loving and keeping up with far away friends have not been on the forefront of my mind, I am sorry to admit. But I do still have one week of February to rev up my love-o-meter.

I'm praising God today for my happiness project, for time to document it (albeit inconsistently), and for friendship. More next time!

Enferma

Sick days are sour-sweet. While they mean a much-needed day off, they also mean:

-No pay (so goes the life of an hourly employee).

-Feeling gross.

As someone who, for much of my life, got an average of one cold per month during cold and flu season, it shouldn't shock me when I come down with the sniffles. But for a whole year, when I stated taking mega-effective immunity supplements, I didn't get sick at all...

Until this fall. The thing is: when babies are sick, their caretakers automatically fall ill. Every time one of my babies comes down with something, I convince myself that I will not catch it, but every time, my prediction fails. Infants and toddlers have no control over the direction of their snot, breathing, or overall germ bubble.

Today I happen to be sick, but this time I did not catch it from a child. Which presents a second problem: how to keep the kids immune. Just as they have no control over what they spread, they also have no control over what they catch. I am just praying that this illness ends with me and we can all move into late winter cold-free.

...I am also saying prayers of thanks for a boyfriend who will bring me the "cute tissues", as requested.

My Happiness Project Part IV

Happy New Year (one week ago)! I am pumped for this fresh start and have been living vibrantly so far.

An update on last month's happiness goals. "Home is where the (sane) heart is" didn't go as planned, but I can honestly say that I am currently sitting in a clean living room. December was so crazy. Practically speaking, I did make my bed about 20% of the time (as opposed to 5% of the time), basically stayed on top of laundry, and kept things decluttered enough to actually enjoy my Christmas decorations. The result: I am not a super clean, perfectly-in-place-all-the-time kind of girl.

I am, however, a get-things-perfect-every-so-often kind of girl. For most of my life, I have consistently done a "clean sweep" at least once a month. It happens when I'm on the brink of a meltdown usually. Cleaner areas truly do help me to think and feel more clearly. I've resolved to not let things get out of control [by the way, I've been told that I have high standards, so if you're picturing a total hazard zone, you're getting the wrong image]. I've also accepted the fact that I'm not a bed maker. I'll make my bed once a week though when I do my cleaning. And since I live alone, this not big deal. The next time I have a roommate/co-dweller, maybe I'll just buy a squishy comforter that I can throw over the disheveled sheets. So: December, over. The cleaning challenge...revised and at-peace.

Onward and upward! I was able to meet all of my 2012 goals by the end of 2012 (which puts a CHECK on November's happiness theme), except for consistent healthy eating and exercise. January is the month for this! In realizing that I have never committed to an overall health plan hard core, I've decided that for at least the month of January, I will work out 6 days a week and give up all white flour and white sugar. At the end of the month, I'll see what's working and what's not with the hope of continuing on in health forever. This goal would not be progressing as smoothly as it is were it not for my boyfriend. He's agreed to do this crazy plan with me. He is the self-proclaimed (and very tough/talented) exercise coach and I am the self-proclaimed nutritionist. Together, we've stuck out the first week without any major glitches.

Why am I doing this? Well besides the fact that it is my January happiness goal, I am really doing it for the emotional and mental benefits of good health. I'm not committing to this health plan for weight loss, but rather for more energy, less mood swings, and a better ability to do the things my life demands (like lifting babies all day without throwing out my back). This project is bathed in prayer as I find myself daily asking God, "Please, let this work!" I hit a rough patch yesterday as I struggled to walk because of sore muscles and insanely craved carby-sugary dessert...but his mercies are new every morning and (as I've repeated to myself many times already) I CAN DO ANYTHING FOR A MONTH!