On MS, fasting, and the heart of the discipline...

This weekend I rode my bike in the MS Bay-to-Bay tour on a team for our friend Jacob, an MS fighter. Here is what I wrote in my journal this morning by way of a reflection:

What happened this weekend was a first for me in many ways. It was certainly the first time I've completed 100 miles on a bike, the first time I've been a part of any sort of athletic "team", and the first time I've intentionally put my body through that much pressure for the sake of a goal. And yes, I think I may have even gotten a taste of the lack of control those with MS feel over their bodies every day. There were moments when I was riding where everything hurt and I could not take my mind off of the throbbing in my thighs, the tightness of my lungs, the stiffness of my shoulders and neck, the sting of my back spasm...but even more than the physical trap of numbness or fatigue they must feel is the mental and spiritual battle faced by those with MS. There were moments when I literally wished I could fall off my bike and discontinue the ride. My mind would not relent. But I know those suffering from this nasty disease want to be done with it...and have no choice. And just as my teammate reminded me, neither did we. We had to finish.

In my spiritual walk, God has been bringing up the discipline of fasting periodically and I think I learned more about it this weekend. In Encinitas, I somehow freakishly got separated from not only my whole team, but also all riders at one point. I was riding alone and was passing all the cute little coffee shops along PCH. I saw Pannikin's, one of my most favorite places to sit and drink coffee...and it took everything in me not to get off my bike and take a long, relaxing break there. I really thought about it...would my team really miss me? Wouldn't it benefit me to have just a little familiarity and comfort in a moment of exhaustion and fear? But then I reminded myself that I had signed up for this physical denial. I quite honestly felt like I was wasting a perfectly beautiful, foggy, cozy morning at the beach (my favorite kind of morning, mind you) by not stopping off at Pannikin's until I had that thought and realized that in many ways, this bike ride was like a fast. For a fast is a decision.

God has created me with a very sensitive body and spirit. Fasting from food is difficult because of my blood sugar issues and emotional needs (though I know he will sustain me on the day he again calls me to give up food for a day). For now, though, God has taught me some significant lessons about fasting. I have learned to participate in the heart of the discipline. When I experience moments of hunger and fatigue, I'm getting myself in the habit of proclaiming that God's strength is more than enough for me. And I think that possibly the most important thing God taught me this weekend is that cycling for MS was a fast for me. I fasted from comfort, which is kind of a big thing since I realize I have a fear of being uncomfortable. Fasting is about humility and discipline and for me, cycling embodies those concepts. I have to be disciplined and humble to both stay on that bike when I want to get off and to have a good, joyful attitude about it. I am so glad I did this and I will so do it again, despite all the meaningless declarations I made throughout the weekend to never get on a bike again.

Thank you, Lord, for this huge lesson and opportunity...and thank you for Jacob, who has no choice when it comes to his body, but makes the good choices when it comes to his heart. Amen!